


This Is How Your Heart Breaks

by STARSdidathing



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Feels, Fuck Or Die, Implied Sexual Content, Loki (Marvel) Angst, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Ouch, Poor Loki (Marvel), Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Sex Pollen, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Lust, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-29 09:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15726324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing
Summary: Loki is in the wrong place at the wrong time and is forced to suffer the consequences to his heart.





	This Is How Your Heart Breaks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silver_drip](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Craving Your Touch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15065822) by [STARSdidathing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing). 



> So this story was inspired by a prompt from the lovely silver_drip after they read my "Tony gets hit by sex pollen" story linked above.
> 
> The prompt was: _Pretty much it's the same premise, but Tony doesn't know Loki likes him and Tony has it on file that if he gets hit by sex pollen he'd be paired w Rhodey. Cue Loki have to watch them and revitalize them w magic while being turned on and feeling agonized. And he knows he can't join in even though Tony begs him because he doesn't have proper consent and maybe Tony makes sweet promises to him that Loki can't believe even though he wants to. Idk what would happen from there. Just an idea ;)_
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> **Rated T as while there is heavily implied sexual content, it's not graphic? Let me know if you think I should bump it up.**

_Tony is kind of over-prepared._

_What do you mean?_

_I mean, he has a protocol for everything, including things you didn’t even know could be things; and as his best friend, I’m the lucky one to be featuring in most of them._

_How do you feature-_

_That’s really not a question you want to ask or know the answer to, Bruce._

* * *

When the spell had hit Anthony, no one had known what it would do, not until it was too late - not until Loki was looking the man over with magic only to have a squirming ball of mortal wrapped around and kissing him.

Loki had... had _responded_ , briefly, so very briefly had he kissed Anthony back with yearning and need before he’d registered the flush to Anthony’s skin and sugary sweet taste to his mouth. Loki had yanked himself back and panted. Anthony’s eyes were lust glazed and Loki had to physically hold the other man back and away from him. 

Banner had been in the ship’s makeshift laboratory too but he had thankfully missed Loki’s initial reaction. Loki was quick to get himself under control and explain the spell. The rest of the Revengers had been swiftly called and by the time they arrived Loki was holding Anthony’s wrists behind his back and pressing him face down against the makeshift gurney. 

The mortal was thrashing and whining, begging Loki to fuck him and Loki was trying very hard not to show any interest he might be having to Anthony’s words. He was trying very hard not to _agree_ to the requests. The spell would require someone to help Anthony and it would _also_ require someone with the appropriate stamina.

It would have to be him, Thor, Heimdall or the Valkyrie. He was the only logical choice as a mage who could heal Anthony during the procedure. He also _wanted_ Anthony both physically and emotionally and although he’d long resigned himself to neither... this, well, it changed things. Loki might hate that Anthony was suffering from this spell and that his health was in danger because of it, but Loki could... he could _help_ the man. He could save Anthony life; he could _have_ Anthony, for one night; one marathon of physical activity. Was it selfish to want to take advantage of the situation? Perhaps, but Loki had never claimed to be selfless. 

When Anthony just let out another frustrated whine, Loki made a small soothing sound and briefly stroked one finger over the mortal’s wrist. Anthony just ground further into the bedding below him; aroused and desperate. He shifted to look at Loki, whining the mage’s name and making Loki barely repress a shudder.

The Revengers had walked in not long after and Banner had hurriedly explained the situation. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Rhodes had hissed the moment Banner was done. “God damn over-paranoid asshole.” Loki had been confused, even more so when Rhodes stepped up to Anthony and placed a hand on his back, stroking it in an attempt at comfort that just made Anthony moan. Rhodes gave Loki a weary look and weak smile as he explained, “Tony and I made a contract before we came on board. It had a lot of scenarios on it, but one was that if we ever got hit by a ‘sex pollen’ we’d be paired with each other.”

Loki felt his heart sink and he glanced down at the man he was still pressing into the bed. His eyes darted over him before he swallowed and looked up at Rhodes. “You will not have the stamina,” his voice was a little rough but he hurriedly smoothed it out. “A mortal will not be able to keep up or survive the duration of this spell.”

Thor had been listening intently, his arms crossed and his brow creased with worry. “Are you able to assist them, Loki?”

Loki jerked his attention to his brother. “ _What?_ ”

Was Thor actually suggesting and _encouraging_ him to have Anthony? Was he also asking him to _share_ him with Rhodes when Thor knew he never shared, when it would be _painful_ to even-

“If they cannot sustain the trial on their own,” Thor continued, oblivious. “You could assist them through it with your magic, healing their exhaustion and monitoring the spell.”

Loki’s eyes widened and his stomach rolled. _No_ , he thought adamantly, _no, I **refuse**. Do not make me stand there and watch and never have..._

“That would actually be really great, Loki,” Rhodes said, drawing Loki’s attention to the other man. He was looking at Anthony with a mixture of concern and discomfort. “I know it’s not something you want to do or probably witness.” He gave Loki a tight grimace. “But I’m willing to do whatever I have to in order to save Tony.”

Loki wanted to say no or to offer himself as the sole one to assist Anthony through it but he... he _couldn’t_. He was an accepted member of the Revengers, he was _liked_ and his friendship with Anthony was known and acknowledged, but his feelings were unknown - were _unrequited_ and he knew that even were he to admit them to the room it would do _nothing_ for the situation. Anthony had made his choice in advance, he had chosen _Rhodes_ and Loki would never... never have a chance with him.

Loki’s eyes fell back to Anthony, groaning with need and pain and hissing, _please, please, please_ under his breath.

It was going to hurt, it was going to be pure torment - but he had no other choice.

“Very well,” he murmured, feeling nothing but dread as he helped Rhodes pull Anthony off the bed and lead him to the engineer’s room. 

The Revengers said they’d be left alone; that they’d have any help they needed, just call. Rhodes thanked them and Loki kept his eyes firmly on directing Anthony forward. He tried to prepare himself for what he was going to see.

He tried to ward his heart against the torture that was about to befall it, but he already knew his attempts were going to fail.

* * *

Loki tried not to let the words affect him.

He tried to hold himself firm, aloof and uninterested. He succeeded, for the most part; a small spell of illusion and a life time of sealing his face from emotion. 

But inside was a different story.

Loki had been the first point of contact after the spell had fully taken hold of Anthony. He was the first one Anthony had _touched_ and it meant, that for all Anthony’s body was being satisfied by Rhodes, his eyes kept going to Loki, he kept _begging_ for Loki. 

Loki had monotonously explained it when Rhodes had asked why he was doing that. Twice, Anthony had even tried to jump off the bed to get to Loki. The rest of the time, he was too focused on Rhodes and his pleasure to remember Loki was there.

The sight of the one he wanted, the one he _loved_ , naked and with another man was a pain Loki could have gone a lifetime without experiencing. 

He still knew the memories would haunt him. The _sounds_ of Anthony would haunt him.

It was the longest six hours of Loki’s life as he fed magic into both men, healing them and giving Rhodes more energy and the ability to keep up with his friend.

There was one moment where he came too close and Anthony grabbed his wrist and tried to pull Loki down, failing to do so, but arching up enough to brush his mouth over Loki’s neck and wrap his arm around the mage’s back. 

Loki had gone rigid in his hold, the problem only amplified when Anthony whispered, “ _Want you, want my Loki. Loki, Loki, Loki, **fuck** me._ ”

Loki’s eyes had fluttered closed and he’d sucked in a sharp breath his hands twitching to touch Anthony, his body desperate to _fulfil_ the request, his heart yearning for the words to be true and not clouded by a spell.

It was the only time he slipped, but it was the only time that _mattered_ , because when he opened his eyes he saw Rhodes’ wide ones staring back at him.

“Don’t say a _word_ ,” Loki had growled, his voice rough with want, his eyes filled with frustration and pain. 

His words more a plea than an order.

It took a moment but Rhodes gave a very slow nod and Loki slumped slightly with relief. Anthony was nuzzling and licking his neck and Loki swallowed before unwinding the engineer’s hold and pushing him back onto the bed - pushing him towards _Rhodes_.

The mortal grabbed Anthony, holding him close, but his eyes lingered on Loki; full of lingering surprise, growing sympathy and more than a hint of guilt.

Loki just looked away as he stepped back into the corner of the room, and when Anthony’s whines of need became too desperate to ignore, Rhodes finally turned from him and focused on his friend.

Loki kept his eyes averted almost as often as he was drawn back to watching Anthony. He didn’t know what was worse anymore; the whole situation was enough to slowly shatter him.

* * *

Loki was faintly shaking when he finally finished and returned to his room. 

He stood just inside his door, trembling as the memories assaulted him; rolling through his mind and causing both agony and arousal. His heart felt as if it was in a painful vice; slowly crushed as guilt warred with longing.

His only consolation was that Rhodes had collapsed into sleep at the same time as Anthony. It meant he didn’t have to deal with the man’s realisation and pity. It meant that after all his agony and suffering; Loki could step close to the bed and stroke a hand over Anthony’s face and through his hair.

He bent down and kissed the man’s temple and his sweat-dampened hair. He pulled back and looked at Anthony’s sleep-slackened face as he trailed his fingers over his face, his thumb catching on his bottom lip and stroking it.

Loki had never claimed to be selfless.

He bent down again and he stole one brief, chaste kiss. He let his eyes fall closed as he lingered there for several heartbeats before pulling back with a sad smile. He thumbed the edge of Anthony’s goatee with the first faint tremble to his hand. 

He then pulled back entirely and left the two friends to their much needed rest.

It was only in his room that everything was allowed to flood back around him; Anthony’s sweet words and filthy promises. His beautiful expressive face filled with need as he clung to Loki and begged to be taken.

Loki knew it was nothing but the spell, his proximity and his own terrible, bitter luck that found him the focus of affection and desire from the one he wanted. He knew it was not real. It was nothing but a vicious illusion.

And Rhodes had seen through him. Rhodes now _knew_. And how long would it take for his secret to be revealed? How long until _Anthony_ knew? How much would Anthony even remember? How much would his sharp mind piece together until he could come to a conclusion that Rhodes could easily confirm? 

Loki closed his eyes and brought his hands to his face, barely able to quell the shaking as he breathed in deeply and let the air out slowly.

He was compromised, he was _caught_ and Loki only ever had one option when he was soon to be discovered.

Loki had never pretended to be selfless; he had never pretended to be with the Revengers for anything other than his own reasons and whims.

And if he had fallen in love with someone who would never choose him, Loki had obviously remained too long.

It took the work of moments to collect the few things he cared about. He also slipped into Anthony’s lab and did one final, selfish thing. He stole a casing of an arc reactor; it was a cracked one and not something Anthony would miss.

Loki still held it in his hand with a wistful, painful smile. He knew it wasn’t a true piece of his love’s heart, but it was as close as Loki could ever gain.

It was why Loki left one of his own daggers in its place. It was the closest he could give to an apology and all the confirmation his brilliant mortal would ever need.

Loki had never been one to stay and face the consequences of his actions and he had heard enough rejections to last him a lifetime. 

He held the arc reactor close to his chest and closed his eyes. He held tight to the memories of days spent together in Anthony’s lab. He held tight to the feeling of soft lips under his own. Loki held tight to the sight of the one that he loved as he let his magic reach out and find one of his ever present escape routes.

He ignored the cracking of the heart in his chest and the bitter taste of regret as his seidr responded to his command and sent him far away from Anthony Stark.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry! The only outcome the story wanted to go with was angsty and sad! I mean, maybe the Revengers eventually catch up with Loki ~~a few months/year down the line~~ and Loki and Tony talk it out. Buuuut, that depends on whether or not you want a happy ending. ~~I mean, Tony might not even like Loki back at this point, if at all...~~


End file.
